Shimura Shinpachi (志村新八)

Character: Shimura Shinpachi
Series: Gintama

Age: 16

Canon: Hey, remember back in 1854 when Commodore Matthew Perry forced open Japan to the foreign world, changing the course of its history forever? Yeah, well in Gintama, it was aliens. FROM SPACE. And give or take 20 years after the fact, these sentient aliens, collectively known as the Amanto, have changed the land of the samurai into an oppressed nation with some serious anachronisms. Spaceships hover over the skyline of Edo. The Shinsengumi use bazookas. Unemployed ninja deliver your pizza and religiously follow Shonen JUMP. Gintama is basically a heartwarming shonen (disguised as a gag series) having an absolutely torrid love affair with pop culture references while utterly destroying the fourth wall and toeing the line of what's acceptable to broadcast in the meantime.

Amidst all this craziness is Shimura Shinpachi: a sensible, polite, and hard-working young man saddled with the responsibility of saving the family dojo from being repossessed--but more importantly, being the flaily, overreacting straight man for all these damn jokes. Shinpachi is the one who usually makes sure his friends pay the rent or don't kill themselves drinking, and what does he get for it? Being made fun of for his status as the token "glasses character", or being told he's "only good for a punchline", or having to clean up everyone else's messes. Despite all the hardships of being painfully normal in a crazy world, Shinpachi genuinely cares about others and within him burns the heart of a true samurai.

Sample Post:

I...don't think I'm in Edo anymore. Okay, all poorly ripped-off cliché movie quotes aside, this place is really something else...did I somehow crash-land onto an alien planet without my knowledge or consent? H-have I been sold off into slavery for the money so a certain someone could pay the rent? Or rather, for booze and gambling money?! I-I'd better ask around before jumping to conclusions, first of all. I think I still have all my organs, at least...

Whoa there! Are you okay, sir? That fall looked like it hurt OH MY GOD YOUR ARM CAME OFF. Someone, anyone call an ambulance, quick! Hang in there, mister! Wait, there are just more of your kind here...then, could you be a new species of Amanto? A-appendage-dropping ones? Well, it's not like I haven't seen weirder things...um, in that case, welcome to Earth! Though I'm not sure where on Earth we are right now--actually, if we're on Earth at all, to tell you the truth. Let me see if there's a sign or something that can help us..."Brains"? I--yes, I have brains! That's a little rude considering we've just met, don't you think?

...wait. Decaying, shambling, and seeking brains...that's. That's what a zombie is, h-huh? Uh...I'll just...let you get back to whatever you're doing, then. And despite the glasses, I'm really not the smart character! Really! My brains won't be soft and moist and delicious at all! In fact, I'm supposed to be the nerdy "otaku" type, they'd probably taste like--like unemployment and perversion. Y-yes, it's exactly as you say! I'm chronically lazy, no good, even a "total lameass who'll never know the touch of a real girl and deserves to live underneath the awesomely filthy, decomposing heel of His Great Lordship Mrrghargh!" And yes, prematurely baldi--balding?! Morbidly obese and riddled with acne--aren't you just listing off stereotypes at this point?! And since when do half-rotten zombies like you get to be so stuck up, anyway?! Seriously, lordship? I'm perfectly fit with a full head of hair, as you can see...oh. You. You don't have eyes. I'm terribly sorry about that.

Anyway Lord Mrrghargh sir, I'll be off! I'm just going to go to the lake over there to enjoy some fresh lake air, I swear! Not avoiding you or anything, haha! Haha...ha--okay, I'm pretty sure we've done the horrible octopus alien monstrosity gag before. It wasn't fun getting almost eaten last time, and the audience isn't that dumb! They'll catch on to old, reused jokes eventually, especially about how those tentacles are going there and doing that to Lord Mrrghargh over there WAIT.

Th-they couldn't possibly show this kind of...thing on network TV! This isn't one of those "special" channels you have to pay extra for in your television service package, okay? The PTA will protest again and we might get canceled for real this time! S-so, Shinpachi, you have nothing to worry about, that thing's just a friendly, family-safe tentacle monster. There's no reason to fret about those tentacles going there or doing that, it's all in your head, haha...ha....this is on the Internet?

Aw, crap RUN AWAY RUN AWAY RUNAWAAAAAAAAAY!!

((voting was here at 98.1% o/))

Tags: app, ooc